The run that wasn't...but not a complete fail.

Let's focus on the positives, shall we?  I did begin my day with 20 minutes of strength training and even bench pressed 65 pounds, doing 3 sets of 7-9 reps.  I did do an hour of spinning, which resulted in a lovely puddle of sweat under my bike.  I did attend Muscle Fusion X this afternoon, toughing my way through another rigorous workout, complete with (almost) 60 jump squats onto a step 6 levels high (that's about 2 feet) - holy crap.

I also got to spend the day with my husband, working out together, then shopping for a work luncheon he is in charge of tomorrow.  We had also planned to do a training run of about 9 miles for our half marathon with a running group this evening, but that is where the "I dids" end.

Because along with all of the other things I did today, I also spent quite a bit of time feeling bloated, crampy, a little tired and lamenting the fact that all of my clothes felt especially tight and uncomfortable.  I allowed myself a little pity-party, brooding over self-berating thoughts like how sick I am of my little tummy pouch that relentlessly hangs around and makes my workout pants not fit right, and the jiggle of extra skin and fat on my otherwise strong thighs, that doesn't seem to be affected in the least by all of the exercise on the planet or a Clean-eating lifestyle for going on 3 months now.

So when it came time to get ready to meet up with the group to go on our run, I did something that I rarely do - I chose not to run.  I chose to spend the evening with my sweet husband watching the 49'ers game at Buffalo Wild Wings, enjoying some good food and distraction while soaking in all the loving and supportive compliments he showered over me.

This evening, I'm feeling a little less defeated.  I know that change takes time and that I need to stay focused and consistent if I want to see results.  Still, I am also starting to realize that sometimes - just occasionally - it's also beneficial to the body, mind and spirit to just take a little break.  And I'm pretty sure my legs are happy I chose not to run because they have been screaming at me all afternoon from that Muscle Fusion class and all the lunges we did!

A short hike, time at the "spa", drive through the woods and a clean picnic.

Today Chris and I enjoyed another fun day together.  Once the kids were at school, we set off on a hike to the same area we hiked last week, with hopes of catching a glimpse of the moose.  It was super cold and windy (about 30 degrees), and we only ended up going about 4 miles.  We did see a moose within the first mile, and we also so lots of deer and of course some gorgeous views.

After our hike, we went to our gym's alternate location, which is an adults-only facility.  It's a lot smaller than the regular gym, but it has a nice hot tub/pool area that includes a steam room, eucalyptus room and a sauna.  When we got there, I did about 10 minutes on a stair master to get my heart pumping, then I did about 25 minutes of strength training, including shoulder press, lat-pulls, lat-rows and leg press.  When I finished with my training, I met Chris in the swimming area where we spent some time soaking in the hot tub and sauna.  Aahhh. :)

 When we were done at the gym, we took a short drive up into the mountains and shared a picnic lunch that I had packed in our cooler, then drove some more on a dirt road way out in the middle of nowhere.  It was so pretty, peaceful and serene out there, it was a perfect mid-week respite before an extreme workout day that we have planned for tomorrow...

Fitness goals and 14 miles.

First of all, just a quick recap of my workouts for the past couple of days...

Yesterday, I did a fun 14.3 mile run with a friend, Lisa.  (More about that in a minute.)  I will say that we averaged 10:40-ish min/mile, even facing lots of rolling hills and strong headwinds, so I was pretty happy with that.  Then, in the evening Chris and I went to a spinning class.

Today, we were back at the gym at around 7:45 with just enough time for me to squeeze in 20 minutes of heavy lifting before another spin class.  After some grocery shopping and lunch out of our "cleanly" packed cooler, we headed back into the gym for Muscle Fusion.  Both the spin class and Muscle Fusion were taught by the same instructor, and even though she was feeling a little under the weather, she killed it with a couple of hours of intensely hard workouts.  I kind of wish I had had my heart rate monitor on while I was spinning today because I swear my HR never went below 170 bpm, which for me is about 80-90% of my max.  I was feeling dizzy and nauseous by the time class was over.  Muscle Fusion wasn't as tough as far as the cardiovascular aspect, but my arms and legs were quivering with weakness by the time we were done, and I'm still feeling a little shaky as I write this post!

So back to my run yesterday....

My friend Lisa has also been bitten by the clean-eating bug, so we spent a lot of our time talking about our goals with regards to the clean-diet lifestyle and also our corresponding fitness goals.  We talked about running and strength training but didn't really set any concrete goals, at least I didn't.  Although I did come away from our conversation with a renewed perspective on what I should start focusing on in terms of setting some goals.

Later in the afternoon as I was trolling the internet, I came across an article written by a fitness model in which she stated that doing too much cardio can actually counter-act your progress in terms of building lean muscle mass through strength training.  Apparently, training for endurance sports (such as running marathons) uses so much energy, that your body will basically "eat" muscle tissue for fuel at a certain point, making it difficult to build up new muscle tissue.  When we went to spinning class, I asked our instructor Misty about this topic, since she is also a fitness model and an expert on this kind of stuff.  She confirmed that what I read is basically right - it will be very difficult for me to build lean muscle, while training for marathons.  She told me that if my goal is to tighten, tone and improve muscle definition (i.e. get ripped), I needed to do less cardio.  Currently my cardio for the week includes: anywhere between 35-45 miles of running, 4 hours of spinning classes, 1 hour of Muscle Fusion X plus any hiking or walking I may do throughout the week.  Misty suggested I choose between this high-intensity training (for marathons) and working on creating a more lean, muscular physique.   I'm inclined to just buckle down and hire Misty to work with me one-on-one to develop a new training schedule that will help me narrow down my fitness goals.

In the meantime, my thoughts are swirling around the idea of first, getting my next race finished - a half marathon on November 3rd - so I will continue with my race training for now.  Then, after that and throughout the winter months, I will lighten up on the running (maybe 2 days of running 3-9 miles, plus one long run every 2 or 3 weeks just to maintain my fitness level), continuing with spin classes for my main cardio workouts, but spend more time in the weight room focusing on strength training.  This is where I need Misty's help, to establish an appropriate strength training plan.  While I've gained a minor amount of confidence in the weight room, I still feel like a novice when it comes to knowing the best exercises for certain muscle groups, number of sets and reps I should be doing, and also using some of the machines.  I'm thinking I will give this plan about 4 months, which will put me into February 2013, when I will pick up my running a bit and start training more diligently for my next marathon, the Ogden Marathon which is in May.

9 miles on a rainy day.

After weeks of dry, we finally got some rain today and it felt cleansing.  I headed out for a run around 7am and saw the storm clouds swirling over the mountains, but I was able to finish the 9.2 mile loop with only a few drops falling on me.  Then I was able to enjoy the beautiful, cool, autumn rain from inside the house. :)

I spent all afternoon baking, which felt like a perfect rainy-day activity.  I roasted 8 or 9 butternut squash, then made puree.  Some I froze, the rest I used for (clean) muffins, cookies, pancakes and even for my bedtime protein smoothie.  Our house smells like cinnamon and allspice.

Finding my purpose - or not. This should make you all feel better.

The past few months, I have been feeling a little lost.  It seems to have become progressively worse since my last marathon in September.  During the last couple of years I have been so focused on training for marathons, that has sort of been my "thing".  I'm a stay-at-home mom who trains for marathons.

Now that the kids are all in school and I find myself with about 7 or 8 hours four days a week that I can more or less devote to whatever activities I choose, I am ridden with guilt and doubt.  I admittedly spend a good chunk of that time either out running, at the gym, blogging or reading about health and fitness or in the kitchen.  And for what purpose?  I'm not training for anything specific right now, and even if I was, what for?  I mean, why am I doing this?  Why do I workout to the point that I live in a perpetual state of soreness?  To be skinny?  'Cause I'm not, even after endless hours of exercise, and I don't think anyone really cares what I look like anyway, so why should I care so much?  Do I do it because I enjoy it and it makes me feel good about myself?  Yeah, I guess.  But I'm pretty sure that's where those feelings of guilt creep into my mind.  I'm doing something I enjoy with my 'spare' time and while receiving no extrinsic reward for my time and investment.  I don't make any money.  My fitness level doesn't contribute to our family's well-being, right?  So what am I doing?

The feedback I have been getting recently from my blog and Facebook posts has got me thinking.  A lot.  About who  I am and how I'm representing myself and my family.  Some people say I inspire them.  That's nice.  That (sometimes) makes me feel like it's worth putting myself out there.  If someone tries something they wouldn't normally have tried because they read my blog and thought, "If she can run marathons (or find time to workout/eat healthy/whatever), then I can - - - !"

Other people say I have too much time on my hands.  For some, the idea of working out to the tune of more than a couple of hours several days a week seems excessive.  For those people, I may be perceived as being selfish or vain, because why else would I do it?  I'm not a professional athlete, motivational speaker or public figure of some kind.  I'm not really anything.  I'm just a mom who works out.  A lot.

What should I do now?  How should I properly and effectively channel this passion of mine?  That's the question of the day.  Some have said I should get certified to teach fitness classes at the gym.  Sounds good, in theory.  The problem I have with this seemingly logical idea is that I lack the confidence and charisma that I feel it takes to be an effective fitness instructor.  The thought of being in front of 20+ people, all eyes on me, terrifies me to no end.  I don't think I could do it.  I prefer to be one of the sets of eyes on the instructor, in awe of their physical prowess.  I can't picture that role reversed.  Besides, the gym that we go to currently has a seemingly endless supply of well-qualified, motivational fitness instructors.

So I sit here, spilling my guts to all of you, my 4 or 5 faithful readers. ;)  I am in the middle of an identity crisis.  I am lacking purpose in my life.  My four children are becoming more and more independent.  Many moons ago I might have said my calling in life was to be a mother, but over the years I've found that I'm really not that good at it.  I try.  I care.  I love my children.  But I'm critical.  I'm a yeller.  I'm impatient and sometimes overly harsh with my words.  I don't read to them as much as I should.  I pray with them and for them, but not nearly often enough.  I'm not a spend-aholic, but I'm terrible at making and sticking to a budget.  I'm not a super-couponer or meal planner, I can't sew or make jam.  I can't get my kids to eat vegetables, no matter what tricks I try.

All the while, my husband works his tail off in his career as a state trooper, often working over-time and taking on extra projects and responsibilities, struggling to find time for his own fitness routine and other hobbies.  Sometimes I feel my existence is more of a hindrance to our family's success and happiness than a help.  It's not intentional, but maybe it's negligence?

I remember when I started training for my first marathon, a friend of mine who also didn't start running marathons until her 30's, told me that after I finished a marathon, I would feel empowered and it would overflow into the other aspects of my life, like I could conquer anything.  This same friend, also a mother of four, went on to go to nursing school.  Sadly, I have not experienced that same level of courage and strength, even after having completed 5 marathons in 2 years!  I'm not the same person I was a couple of years ago, obviously, but I'm still not who I thought I'd be.

So where does this leave me today?  Who knows.  I do feel a little bit better having vented some of my feelings through writing this post, but I'm still foggy about what goals I should be setting and where my focus should be in the future.  I know I'm the only one that can institute the change, which is also what makes this all so hard to swallow.  Choices.  Mistakes.  Life.

Another 3-in-1 blog post. :)

Time to recap the past few days!  Right now my husband's work schedule is such that his days off are Tues-Wed-Thursdays, which means we get to spend A LOT of time together. :)

On Tuesday, we went to our usual morning classes at the gym.  First we started out with about 20 minutes in the weight room, then we went to spinning and then a little later, Muscle Fusion.  I can tell that I'm getting stronger because the soreness after the Muscle Fusion classes is lessening.  My biceps and glutes were a little bit sore yesterday, but it was pretty minimal.

Yesterday, instead of running, we decided to go for a hike in the mountains.  I wanted to give my knee a break from the running anyway.  It's still bothering me, mostly just when I bear weight on it while bending it, which is probably why the only thing that really seems to be exacerbating it is, well...running, of course.

So we started our hike at around 8am and didn't return back to the trail head until after 1pm.  We ended up going a little over 11 miles.  It was a gorgeous day and the weather was perfect for hiking.  When we first started, it was dang cold, but by the time we finished we were sweating.

Today we spent another morning at the gym.  Again, we began with 15-20 minutes in the weight room, followed by spinning.  Then after lunch and grocery shopping, we returned to the gym for Muscle Fusion X.  This class has become one of those life-changing things for me.  That sounds a little ridiculous to say about a fitness class, but it really is,  in a small way, I suppose.  Mostly because it is really helping me build confidence, speed, agility and strength in ways I didn't realize I was missing in my training.  I've watched countless videos and shows where I've seen fitness gurus and/or celebrities do things like jumping up on a ridiculously high bench or do 50 burpees with apparent ease and grace, but I've never seen myself doing those (and other similar) things.  I don't know why.  I'm still (very) far from graceful, agile or quick, but I can tell that I'm getting better with each class and my confidence continues to grow each week.  I just go into that room with all the mirrors lining the walls, set up my weights and steps, tune out all the other folks around me and zone in on the instructor (who is amazing and totally my inspiration), determined to do my very best and push my way through each and every circuit, even when I feel like throwing up.

Now if I can just continue to hone the clean-eating lifestyle that I have embraced, I am optimistic that I will really start to see the positive changes that I am searching for.  Remember the body beautiful formula, as defined by Tosca Reno?

Enough is enough!!

Wow, it really only takes a day or two of not posting on my blog and before I know it, it's been 4 days!  So enough with the slacking, I'm back and apparently I need to give you a run-down of the past 4 days.

Last Thursday was a power workout day.  The kids had the day off from school for teacher in-service, so before they were even awake, I left the house and headed for the gym.  I did my first spin class at 6am, then I had about an hour to do some heavy lifting before going to spin class #2.

After that I came home, took a shower, fixed the kids some lunch, then went back to the gym for my third class of the day, Muscle Fusion X.  On my way home, I snapped this picture of the ice that was created by the sprinklers on this landscaping.  It's not the greatest picture, but it looked really cool in person.  I was just surprised that it was still so cold at 9:30 in the morning that the ice was holding on like that.

Anyway, class was AWESOME!  This is the class, if you remember, which is taught by my favorite instructor at the gym and normally there are at least 20 or so people in the class.  But for whatever reason, on Thursday it was just me, two other women and the instructor.  At first I was worried she might not hold the class because the gym rules say that if there are less than 5 people attending, the class will be cancelled.  But of course, true to Misty's style, she taught the class anyway and we got one heck of a workout!  I loved every gut wrenching, sweaty minute of it.  (Incidentally, I wonder if that's why there have been fewer and fewer people coming to that class since I first started going to it - it is HARD.)  One of my favorite  - haha - exercises was the bench jump.  Misty had us stack our steps with at least 6 or 7 donuts (levels) under them and then we had to straddle it, jump up on it with both feet into a squat position, then jump back down...20 times in a row for one set, then we did it again later in the workout.  Not. Easy.  Especially after doing weighted squats and lunges.

On Friday, my dad and step-mom arrived from Michigan for a weekend-long visit with our family, but I did have time to squeeze in my noon spin class before they got here.  On Saturday morning, I also fit in a quick 5.5 mile run before we spent the rest of the day enjoying our family time and that was it for my weekend workouts.

This morning I ventured out into the chilly morning for a long run.  I did a 16.5 miler on an out and back route.  I didn't realize until about mile 5 how windy it was out there.  It was blowing so hard that my pace really slowed, but it didn't bother me too much.  Sometimes it's fun to just take the time to enjoy the run for what it is - a long, slow run.  When I got home I did need to ice my knee for a bit.  It's been getting progressively worse over the course of the past week or so of running.  It might sound weird, but I really think this (relatively) new knee pain issue has to do with the fact that about a month ago I ran out of my glucosamine chondroitin supplement and I never replaced it because I figured that since I'm eating clean, I'm probably getting most of the nutrients my body needs.

I had been faithfully taking the glucosamine since I first started running - so for the past 2 1/2 years, and I've never had problems with my knees before.  Just a theory.  Luckily, Chris and I are going to be heading into town this evening for a spin class, so I'll have a chance to stop at the store to get some more.

Also, when I got home from my run I found I had received the issue of Clean Eating Magazine that I won from Tosca Reno's blog.  Yay!

12 miles with a friend! Best way to spend a morning.

As I mentioned yesterday, today I was able to do a 12 miler with a running friend.  It was a glorious morning.  The air was crisp and cool and we could smell the leaves and the willows.  Have I mentioned that I love running this route?  We had to drive up to the top, where we wanted to start our run, then we ran our way back to my house.  Total elevation loss of about 1600 feet!  Considering all the climbs I usually do, this was a refreshing change.  We talked about all kinds of things: running, goals, training, clean eating, body image, our husbands and children, and even hovered for a moment over our favorite sports bras. ;)  Our average pace ended up being 9:40-ish and that's with walking breaks at a 5:1 ratio.  It was a fun run.

The rest of the day I've noticed my legs are a bit sore, mostly in my hamstrings (big surprise there).  I also had to ice my knee, which was giving me a little grief going up and down the stairs.  I'd better get to bed now.  I have a big day planned tomorrow.  Double spin classes, heavy weights on my own and then Muscle Fusion X - all followed by a little shopping and then cleaning in preparation for some family we have coming to stay with us over the weekend! :)

Another fun day at the gym.

And so it goes, my Tuesday/Thursday routine:

7:50am ~ arrive at gym and spend 20-25 minutes in weight room doing strength training.
8:30-9:30am ~ Spinning class, aka sweat purge.
12:00-1pm ~ Muscle Fusion/Muscle Fusion X.

This is what the Muscle Fusion classes are doing for me:

Still a work in progress, but I feel pretty strong these days.

Tomorrow I am slated for a 12+ mile run with a friend.  We're going to run the first half (more or less) of the Pocatello Marathon route - one of my favorite runs ever!  It's a lot of downhill in the most serene and scenic places in the area.  The colors of the leaves makes it even more beautiful right now, so I can't wait.  Plus, it's been a while since I've run with someone and that will make if fun, too.

Back in business!

All is right with the world again because today our spin instructor was at the gym, back from her vacation and in prime butt-kicking form.  :)

But...I didn't start my day with spin, I started with a run.  After the kids were in school, I enjoyed a nice, peaceful 10 miles.  As I started out, my legs were giving me a little trouble.  I was suddenly feeling some soreness that I didn't realize was there before I began to run, mostly in my hips and hamstrings.  I allowed myself to slow down a bit and just run "easy", so that I could last for the whole ten miles.  While I felt a little tired and slow on this run, I still had fun and got some sun on my face.

Then after dinner, my husband and I went to the gym together to catch an evening spin class.  I was so happy.  Spin class with my husband = the perfect date. :)

I also colored my hair today.  I went  a little darker than my natural auburn color.  I thought it would be a nice change to go with the cooler weather. What do you guys think?  My kids told me they want me to go blonde.  Hmmm.  Maybe next time... ;)